So In Love & So Much Anxiety...

This past week I have fallen even deeper in love with my little boy Alex. I can't think of anything specific that happened that would make me feel this way, but really it doesn't matter. All that matters is I'm even more in love with him now than I was before and I feel very truly bonded to him. I just can't get enough of him. When others are holding him I have the insatiable desire to grab him back and cuddle him. I don't of course, because the only other people who hold him really are his daddy and family so it would just be selfish of me since they don't get to see him as often as I do. I've been cuddling him all the time. I think the realization that I have to go back to work in 5 weeks is really starting to get to me. I know that is another whole month home with him but the first half of this leave went by so quickly! I really want to quit my job and stay home with Alex. I love being a stay at home Mom but because my job provides us with excellent health insurance, it just isn't logical right now. I would like to try to find a way to quit in September and stay home, mostly because that's when we will need to put into daycare or find a nanny. I'm really anxious about this and I do not want to leave him with anyone. I know it is normal to feel this way, but that doesn't make it easier to deal with. I have no idea how I'm going to deal with it though. I can't think of any way to help ease my nerves or my anxiety about leaving him with someone while I work and I've been looking for part time jobs at my current work place because then I would be able to keep my insurance and spend at least a little more time home with Alex. Seriously, how to other Moms deal with going back to work?!